Today I lost someone I cared about. And for the first
time, I've lost someone at a point in my life, where I'm really able to think
about life and death...
It's
a strange thing, having to realize that we all have to die at some point, and
that we'll lose the people we love. My parents seem so fine with the whole
situation. Of course they're mourning, but they keep telling me that "He's
in peace now" and "He was old, this is the way it's supposed to
be". And it makes me think... Are all these things just something we say
to make ourselves feel better? Or do we actually grow up, and commit to the
fact that death is okay?
At
this point I know that we all have to die and that it's the way things should
be. But I find it so very, very hard to accept. And I wonder if we'll ever get
to a point, where we're okay with the fact that we'll die? Two days ago my
step- grandad (Who was named Aksel) had told my step dad, that he was afraid.
He was afraid to die, at age 87. That scares me. I don't want to be afraid of
dying when I know there's no way around it. But of course, he was an atheist.
It's a scary thought to die and then just... Be nothing. And I'm not gonna lie,
when they told me he was dead today, I questioned my own belief for a
moment of whether or not we get reincarnated after death. But I like to
believe that we do, and when we're ready for another adventure, we'll get
another body. Another life. And I hope that it's the truth. It'll make all of
this easier for me and it would be lovely to think that Aksel's soul is out
there, somewhere, in peace and wondering why he was so afraid of something so
wonderful and beautiful.
I truly
hope, that I'll be able to understand this whole life and death-thing that's
going on. But for now, I guess I'll give myself some time to mourn and try not
to be afraid. Then I can go on with living my life. Just like we're all
supposed to..
