Being able to do pretty much whatever you want with your life is the dream. It's what I've wanted my whole life. And I'm so happy that I've finally made it and I wouldn't want this any other way. But my whole life I've had this idea, that when this time came, I'd have everything under control. I'd know exactly what I wanted to do with my life and how I'd spend my time. And now... Well now I'm lost. There are so many possibilities! But what dream do I follow? And am I even brave enough to go on these adventures?
Every since I was little, I've dreamed about travelling with a circus. I've dreamed about being homeless, just travelling around with absolutely nothing but my dog and the few things I've needed. I've dreamed about living in an old castle, on a boat and in a tree. And I can assure you that I haven't let go of those dreams, but all of the sudden, they are actually possible and sound so... Scary. It's a huge world out there, and having to take care of myself, just me against the world, that sure as hell is something that makes me wish I had other dreams. Why couldn't I have dreamed of finding the love of my life or owning my own store? Though, I guess I would have been scared anyways if those actually were my dreams.I know you have to get out of your comfort- zone before you can life your life to the fullest. I know you have to take chances and dare to do the things you've always feared. But how does one even begin? I'm not the shy type, but I'm certainly not the brave one either, not in this situation.
At least I know that I'm not alone. Thousands, hell.. Millions of people are feeling this way and it's probably not going to disappear into thin air as my life goes by. Maybe it's something you'll get used to? Or maybe it's just something you'll learn to life with. Hopefully it's something you'll become better at handling. Otherwise this whole "life"-thing that's ahead of me, is going to be very freaking difficult... But I guess i already knew I'd be.
You see, I know what I have to do. I've always known. I just want to delay it, just a bit more, because I know it'll be one of the most difficult things I've done in my life. And I know I'll have to just jump into it.. Maybe I will soon. But which dream do I dare to follow? All of them? Because that's going to take a while. But maybe that's what all the years ahead of me are there for. To make sure I reach every single one of those dreams.
Maybe I should get started before it's too late.
You know what they say: "Es zinu mirkļus dienas garumā un dienas mirkļa īsumā."
- I've got no idea what it means, but it's something about how time goes by, I'm not going to waste my time trying to translate it.
